Story Time: Why I'm Not Currently On Fox TV

"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated."

-Mark Twain

MasterChef's sixth season began this past week, and already there's been a couple good episodes. The top 20 have been chosen, and it's probably going to be a great season. But I wanted to be there.

MasterChef is a pretty neat concept, to me. You have tens of home cooks that all compete for a big ol' prize (cash, cookbook deals, getting to see the well-worn geography of a notoriously angry Scot's face), during lots of team battles, fights, box challenges, etc. But the thing that stands out to me about this show is that it's all home cooks, like you and I. To be a contestant, you cannot have worked in a kitchen professionally. There are some other weird scenarios that make you ineligible, but that is the main one that seems to keep it pretty fair. So imagine my interest and surprise when I realized that I could not only try out, but that auditions were happening in two nearby cities.

This is the story of my audition, and the bitter realization that you don't see my face on Fox for a few months.

Mango Shrimp Ceviche

"I shall be but a shrimp of an author"

-Thomas Gray

Summer used to be something I really enjoyed. Upper 70s, gentle breeze, not a cloud in the sky; things were great growing up in Portland. But once I ventured out of my homeland, I realized that Summer isn't always the sweet, sweet experience I had always known. Virginia had nothing but humidity; muggy days and humid nights with loud cicadas. And then California? Woof.

The first summer I spent in California, it was considered a "mild' summer. That is to say, most days stayed under 100 degrees. That being said, my office's air conditioner didn't really hit my desk, and most days I'd come home in a moist mess. A pleasant thought, I know. But then came more summers, where there were so many days above 100; I remember the few days where it was 114 at my house. The AC couldn't keep up, so you'd be "cool" inside your 85-degree house. Fun times.

What I'm getting at is that there are some times when you are going to be wondering why ovens exist. Or stoves, grills, or any sort of cooking apparatus. They will seem so unnecessary, so arrogant to be adding heat into the space, that you'll decide that starving is a smarter option. Or switching to an all-beer diet. But worry not, comrade! I have something just for you.

Next Up: Mango Shrimp Ceviche

Summer is coming. There will be days when you don't want to turn on an oven, get near a grill, or stand at a stove. And for those terrible days (which is Southern California, are fast approaching), I present to you an easy mango shrimp ceviche.