Pot Roast Breakfast Hash

"What in the world is a hangover cure?"

- Brian Wilson

We all overindulge sometimes. We have a few too many cocktails, we party a little too hard, and we get in trouble. There comes a time in every man's life when there are only two options to fix a hangover: 1) an amazing breakfast, or 2) a swift death. Since I can't provide the latter, let's talk about a killer breakfast hash.

I was always lucky that when I was younger, I never had a hangover. Most of my friends would need a bucket of ibuprofen and Five Guys to assume some sense of normality, whereas I would wake up early, not feel anything, and go about my day as if I hadn't wrecked my body's filtration system the night before.

But those days are over.

In my mid-20s, I had my first hangover, and I finally understood what it was like. The headaches, the light sensitivity, the complete and utter hatred of anything and everything; it all made sense. So as these continued, a cure must be found.

Some will tell you the go with the "hair of the dog". They are only prolonging their inevitable downfall. Hot shower? It helps, but it's still missing something. How shower + shower beer? Not the "missing something" I was going for. But a big ol' breakfast, choked down to try to absorb whatever vile substances were left in your body? That's the ticket.

This recipe isn't particularly greasy -- it's my opinion you need a bunch of starch and protein, and you'll probably be fine. I don't make this often, but when I do, it's the loveliest thing in the world. And if you made our pot roast, then half the work is already done. You could be nursing your hangover faster than you can say "OH MY GOD NO WHY WHERE IS THE TOILET I'M GONNA RALPH OH GOD BLARGHBVDLSBSDL".

After a night of heavy drinking, and nearly setting your house on fire while making pizzas when you get home (Hi Rob, I'm glad I didn't burn down our town house in college!), it's time to wake up to something worth getting out of bed for.

Pictured: Me, the night before I make a sweet hash (this is historically accurate).

This is a pretty simple one. You're going to need the following lineup:

Not a single vegetable on there. Good job!

• 2 sizeable hunks of leftover pot roast (2 cups after shredded?)
• Eggs (number depends on how many are eating, and how many eggs they want)
• 2 large russet potatoes (starchy. Delicious. Use the russet.)
• 1 shallot
• Seasoning for potatoes (I use cayenne, garlic powder, seasoning salt, and pepper)
• Oil / Fat (bacon grease! My captain, my captain!)
• Skillet

As you can see, this is almost devoid of all nutrition. Except protein. There's a lot of protein, here. Like, a lot a lot. Lots of eggs and meat. Protein.

PROTEIN RAGE.

The first thing you're going to want to do is skin and cut up your potatoes. You're going for about a 3/4-inch or so dice, so everything's almost evenly sized. I recommend cutting the potato in half, then make cross cuts, and hack the whole thing up. The pieces don't have to be perfect, but if they're similarly sized, you're going to have an easier time cooking.

I don't think you're dumb enough to need to see this. I just took the photo and thought you might like to see what I mean.

Once your potatoes are cut up, toss them into a small bowl, and add some oil (canola or vegetable. Olive will burn) to coat, and season liberally. Mix it up so the seasoning is thoroughly spread out, and that's about it for potatoes. If you've noticed, this seems pretty easy so far. That's the point. You can hate everything, and still get this done.

Shiny, salty, and seasoned. Boom.

The next step is going to be to shred up your meat. Grab two forks, and go to town. Or, if your pot roast isn't fork tender (HOW DARE YOU), use a knife to cut it into smaller pieces. It'll break down more as we reheat it. Also chop some shallots while you're at it.

If you don't have leftover meat, I really don't know what's a good substitute. Tears of a unicorn? Canned tuna? Chopped up Oscar Mayer bologna? You should have planned ahead. I know; you're hungover. Doesn't matter. You know better. Shame. Also, don't take the above ideas; that's gross. Find some meat, or worst case, like, really worst case, hack up some roast beef lunch meat or something. You idiot. Set the beef aside, and let it hang out for a while.

Fire up your stove, and heat a higher-walled pan/skillet on there on medium-high heat. I recommend either a vertical-walled nonstick, or a cast iron skillet, These are both going to allow you to keep everything in there, and get a good browning on your potatoes. A curved-side fry pan might let a few of those things go flying. No biggie, but keep it in mind. 

Also, start boiling a pot of water.

"How many god damned steps are there?!" Plenty. Shut up.

As the pan is heating, add some lubrication. I used some rendered bacon fat I keep in my fridge (don't judge me. You should, too). You don't need a lot. The potatoes are already oiled. This is more for flavor and just to make sure everything crisps well. Once hot, toss those taters in, and spread them out.

The trick to great potatoes is the crispy crust on the outside. Let them sit. Don't move them. As the crust forms on a side, then start mixing. Then let it sit. Then let it create another crust. Repeat. Keep doing this and keep doing this so your potatoes get a crispy, crunchy, brown outside, while the inside gets enough heat to get all mushy and mashed-potato-like. It'll be glorious. If you think you're hot shit, or you're lying and not actually hungover, you can use fancy pan-work to move the potatoes around.

Not a potato spilled. I also wasn't hungover. Unfair advantage, I know.

Once you've got your first layer of crust going, now would be a good time to plop your now-shredded beef into another pan, and heat it on medium-low. You're not trying to cook it any more, you just want to heat it through. If you hate yourself and don't want to impress anyone, use the microwave. But I tend to like the slight crispiness the beef can get from the pan. Adding some juices from the leftovers can help keep it moist, too.

The potatoes are going to get crispy, and you're going to want to stop. But keep going! You want crispy edges like it's the only thing that's going to save your life. And if your hangover is bad enough, it just might. Add your chopped shallots so they cook down a little in the next few minutes. If you were to use onions instead, that would work. If you add peppers, congrats, Potatoes O'Brian. WTG.

You like pictures, right? Yeah!

Poach a few eggs. I recommend using a ladle or a ramekin to plop the egg in, before putting in the boiling water. Cook for 2-3 minutes, and scoop the thing out. Reserve for a minute while you assemble.

Don't worry. my poached eggs look like crap, too.

Once your eggs are out, make sure your taters look delicious. Try not to burn your face off while you paw at them. Use a spatula, you animal.

Yeah, just like that. Oh god, the third degree burns on your hands might be worth it.

What you need to do is plate this bad boy up! Throw some potatoes down in a mound, throw a heft amount of beef on top, and top with an egg or two. Pop the eggs so everything runs out, and you've got yourself a cure. Maybe even better: "The" cure!

Whoops. Wrong "The Cure".

Once it's put together, chow down. Toast wouldn't be a bad idea.

Oh my God. YES. THE CURE.

The flavors meld together, and fit perfectly, the egg yolk ties everything together, and it's just so darned tasty. This was one that I'm always proud of. It's delicious, and a great way to fix that hangover or just have a great Sunday breakfast. Try it; you won't be disappointed.

Enjoy!

-AC

Pot Roast Breakfast Hash

Recipe from Scott McDonald (Average Cook)

Recipe makes enough for 2 large servings. If you ate all of it at once, you'd have enough of a hangover cure to cure other people's hangovers.

• 2 cups worth of leftover pot roast
• Eggs
• 2 large russet potatoes
• 1 shallot
• Seasoning for potatoes (cayenne, garlic powder, seasoning salt, and pepper)
• Canola oil 
• Reserved fat 

Start by skinning and chopping up potatoes so the pieces are equally-sized. Toss to coat in oil and season liberally. Shred pot roast and reserve. Boil a small pot of water for poaching eggs. Preheat high-walled skillet at medium-high heat. Toss potatoes into skillet with reserved fat, and begin cooking. Let potatoes sit to create crust, and mix as necessary. Reheat the pot roast in a second pan, and start poaching eggs. Once the potatoes are cooked through and crispy and the meat is heated, put on plate, top with pot roast and eggs. Serve immediately.