5 Ingredient Beer Bread

"Life is not worth living if I cannot have pasta or bread again."

- Monica Seles

If someone tells you they don't like freshly baked bread, they're either a) lying to you because they haven't had freshly baked bread, or b) are lying to you because they just want to be difficult. Either way, they're lying to you, and you should probably publicly shame and dismiss them in all open forums. 

"But Average Cook," you ask, "I love freshly baked bread, but have no idea how to throw some together in a pinch!" Well, you're in luck. I've got a quick bread recipe that only takes 5 ingredients and less than 60 minutes of your time. Whoa.

"I only have five things in my pantry." The good news is that if you're a bachelor, you might have everything you need. You're going to need flour, baking powder, salt, brown sugar, and beer. The bad news is that if you're a tried-and-true bachelor, you might only have beer. In which case, I get it. You read this site as hope to maybe someday learn to cook. But until then, you'll have to just act like you're eating things on here.

Is this you? Get your shit together, you're a grown-ass man.

So, what we're trying to accomplish here is a quick bread, that's not unlike an Irish soda bread. This isn't going to make anything like a white bread loaf, but something that can be sliced, is fairly (okay, very) dense, and has some good, but neutral flavor. This is one of those "throw everything in a bowl, stir, and then form/bake" recipes. But that's why you're here, right?

There are only five ingredients you need. Five. If you need to go to the store to get any of these (other than the beer), I think we need to have a talk on what things to stock your pantry with. You're going to need:

Yes. Five. I cannot stress this enough.

• 3 cups flour
• 4 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 cup loosely packed brown sugar
• 12 ounces (one bottle) of beer (please pick something half-decent)
• 1/2 teaspoon salt

Start by preheating your oven to 375F. There's a good chance that you'll actually have all of this mixed up and ready to go before your oven is preheated. This is a fast recipe.

Get your mixing bowl, and into it, put your dry ingredients. Remember that even though this recipe isn't as scientific and needing to be perfect as most baking recipes, you want to be as close as you can to the recipe. So, don't just mound up your flour. Once you have a full scoop, take the back of your knife, and slide it across the top, making a flat top. Not only will you get the right amount of flour, you'll look like you know what you're doing, and impress anyone who's watching you. I'm not saying you're bringing in a member of the opposite sex to watch you cook and be impressed; I'm saying that you've probably set yourself on fire while boiling water for ramen noodles in the last month, and there's a court order for you to have someone holding your hand at every juncture of your daily routine. Way to go, and shine on, you crazy diamond.

See? Nice and flat. Like my jokes.

As you're mixing everything, there's a particular thing to keep in mind. Surprise! Brown sugar, though most people would consider dry, is not. Consider it a wet ingredient and add it later. Use a whisk to mix all of your dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, and salt) together. Once this is all combined, make a well (that's a hole) in the mix, place your brown sugar into it, and pour that beer.

Beer.

A quick word about beer. If you're going for something that doesn't taste like swill, please don't use something like Bud Light, Coors Light, or Natty Ice, Though I applaud you for having the mental wherewithal to not only own, but drink such a beer, it's not what you want in here. Whatever beer you choose is going to impart a similar flavor to your bread. So, if you don't want your bread to taste lightly of frat-boy piss, don't use it. Novel concept. I recommend something with some body, and a malty finish. I had some Negra Modelo on hand, so it seemed like a good idea.

One reviewer has noted Negra Modelo as "...one of the richest tasting, most robust beers in Mexico. A complex beer, redolent with caramel and chocolate flavors from the malt, the beer is perfectly balanced with a bit of spiciness or nuttiness in the hop aspects of its flavor profile."

Another reviewer (me) would describe it as  "A darker, fuller Mexican beer. I guess." This isn't as complex as some people have indicated, but it works for this recipe. It's got enough malty flavor to give the bread a punch, while not being overpowering. The good news is that these things are easy to drink. So if you have five left over, they're good to drink or make into five more loaves of bread. It's also not going to break the bank.

Anyway, we're going to pour that into our mix. It's going to foam. if you somehow figure out how to have this not happen, let me know. If it foams like this, you'll have to add a little more liquid at the end. This can either be water or more beer. And if you crack open another beer for only a few tablespoons, that's going to be such a waste. Or, you know, just drink it. Heyo.

Shown: Foaming.

So, once the beer's in, you're going to remember that you're making a dough, and not some wussy pancake batter. Meaning, you probably made the mistake of using the whisk. Those who skip these long explanations and walkthroughs of recipes are going to find this on their own, and probably be ticked off. And when you then read the whole article (victory lap, I guess?), you'll get to this point, and then see that you should read these whole articles. Whoops.

You'd think that with having my own cooking site, I'd be smart enough to remember this would happen. Nope. Cheers.

Once you switch to the proper tool (it's a spoon. Just use a spoon, guys), give the thing a quick mix. Get it mixed enough that everything is in your dough wad, but if you overmix, you'll run the risk of the thing getting tougher. So mix it just enough so there isn't a pile of flour at the bottom. If you just can't get the flour in, and the thing looks dry, add some water or beer, a tablespoon at a time. The dough should be wet and sticky.

Wet and sticky.

Once that's mixed, put it in a greased loaf pan. If you want something more artisanal, first off, stop being so pretentious. No one likes it, and you're being sort of a jerk about it. Secondly, you're on your own. You could probably through it on a cookie sheet, and when it looks cooked, it'll be good. Great, good for you. For the rest of us commoners, we're going to use a loaf pan. Pour that stuff into the loaf pan, and even it out a little.

Evening it out probably didn't do anything. I just wanted to get your hands messy.

Your oven should now be preheated, or almost there, so we're going to wait for that magical beep, and sock that thing in, and let it bake for at least 45 minutes. It could take as long as 55, but start checking it at 45 minutes. It should be lightly golden-brown on the top, and the middle should be set. If the thing jiggles, you probably did something wrong, and I have failed you. But it won't, so just pull it out at 45 if the top is golden brown.

Whoa, I made this.

It's going to be craggy and brown and hot and OH GOD WHY DID YOU GRAB IT WITH YOUR BARE HANDS OH GOD NO! Wait for the thing to cool for about 15 minutes before you start handling it. It's going to stay warm for a while. In the meantime, you can think about how you're going to eat it! I recommend butter, honey butter, peanut butter, etc. If it's got "butter" in the name, it's a good choice.

Jesus. Even her shirt is butter-colored.

Once you slice it up, top it with whatever you want, or serve it alongside a hearty stew, pot roast, soup. I made this to accompany a pot roast, and it did a fantastic job of soaking up all the meaty juices.

Fresh and delicious.

If you make this, you've started on the path of baking tasty things more often -- I wouldn't be surprised if I start making this on a weekly basis. The maltiness of the beer shines through, to make a slightly sweet, hearty, dense bread that goes so well with anything you pair it with. You can experiment with other beers of varying heaviness and flavoring, and probably end up with a million different delicious options. Make sure you store any leftovers (if there are any) in a bread bag or an airtight container. But frankly, this won't last too long. It's quick, easy, and delicious! As it should be!

Enjoy! -AC

5 Ingredient Beer Bread

Recipe from Scott McDonald (Average Cook)

Recipe makes enough for 1 large loaf of bread. This will feed 8 people, or make 1 very large sandwich.

• 3 cups flour
• 4 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 cup loosely packed brown sugar
• 12 ounces (one bottle) of beer
• 1/2 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 375F. Whisk dry ingredients together. Make a small well to add wet ingredients, and stir until a wet, sticky dough forms. Place in greased loaf pan. Bake in oven for 45-55 minutes, or until top is golden brown. Let rest for 15 minutes before handling or slicing. Store in bread bag or airtight containers.