Cranberry Applesauce

"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."

-Groucho Marx

In my march towards the end of Fall (you know, Post-summer), there are a few recipes that I have to make every single year. This is one of them. I like applesauce, but you can make that any time! Cranberries are a little harder to find during the rest of the year, so this is a great seasonal twist on an easy recipe. If you're looking for something a little different for your Thanksgiving table, it isn't too late to concoct this beautifully-colored side dish.

Applesauce isn't difficult. This recipe is basically going to be a shove-everything-in-the-pot-and-cook-and-stir-and-cook-and-stir-and-mash-and-serve kind of recipe. But what you're going to end up with is a slightly tart, but still sweet applesauce with a texture custom-tailored to your taste. Also, I guess it's vegetarian and vegan, too. Unless you think a cinnamon tree is an animal. Then you need to read more, or go back to eating rocks or something.

This is a great substitute for the cranberry tube that a lot of folks serve. Yes, we all love the glorp, but this is a lot more interesting, and it's a little bit more impressive than you opening a can and letting that thing slip out onto a dish. Or have both! That way, you won't piss off Aunt Eunice and her love of all awful things in the world.

Since you probably have in-laws to worry about, I'm going to keep this one as brief as possible. So let's talk ingredients:

I had to mug Johnny Appleseed. No regrets.

• 4 lbs fresh apples (mix varieties!)
• 1 bag (12oz?) of cranberries (preferably fresh)
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1 tablespoon cinnamon (or more, to taste)
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup water
• 2 tablespoons lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• A couple good glugs of your favorite brown booze (bourbon, whiskey, amaretto. I used amaretto.)

The first thing we're going to need is a big ol' pot. Though this is going to cook down and reduce in volume (you'll probably get a quart and a half), you're going to need a lot of space to start. I would recommend an 8-quart pot or larger. You'll need it. Now let's fill that thing with apples.

But first a word on apples. Yes, I told you I'd keep this short. But you should probably listen to me. I'm really picky about my apples. There are definitely certain apples meant for cooking and baking. jonagold, fuji, gala, granny smith, etc. all work fantastic in these preparations. If you love honeycrisp (like I do), you will find that they cook down a little too much if you're doing things like roasting. But here? They're fantastic. I used a 50/50 mix of granny smith and honeycrisp. I think you should do a 50/50 with granny smith (the green ones, guys. Learn your apples.) and one of the aforementioned varieties. Apples. Good? Good.

Oh, and apple skins? I leave them on. I blend my applesauce, so there's no huge issue with skins. But if you're going to want a chunkier dish, you might want to consider skinning them. But I hate doing it. And most likely, you do, too. Just keep this in mind while you read.

Let's get chopping. You don't need to core the apples, but I think you should grab a sharp knife (stop using dull knives, dummy) and cut the cheeks off. Then cut those into sixths (or thirds, if they're the two small cheeks. See below:

Apple.

Apple in sixths.

Lots of apples in sixths. This isn't tough.

The chop doesn't really matter. once you start cooking, it's just going to speed things up the smaller they are. But since the berries are there, and need to pop, you might as well make them this size. Less effort, they cook right; everyone wins.

Throw all of those apples into the pot, and add all of the other ingredients.

"LOOK AT ME I'M A REAL DURNED CHEF" No no no, stop it. No you're not.

Now stir. Stir until everything looks kind of not appetizing, seasonal, or anything. Crank the heat to medium, and start to cook.

Yeah, it looks like a failed pie filling. Deal with it.

The water will start coming out of the fruits, which is great. Soon it's going to cook down more and more, and become softer and more applesauce-y. That's obviously what you want. Let the thing cook down for at least 30 minutes; stir occasionally to make sure you haven't screwed up something this simple.

Also worth mentioning is that cranberries pop and explode as they cook. I have gotten steaming hot cranberry in my eye before, and it's terrible. I recommend leaving the lid on for this one, and reducing as necessary at the end. The noise will catch you off guard, because you're probably going to forget about this paragraph by the time you get to the end. You've been warned. Get a lid or some goggles.

Yup, looks like food.

Once it's cooked down, and things are soft, we're going to grab a potato masher. Yes, I know, we're not mashing potatoes. This is why we have the tools we do; they're versatile. You could make lots of things other than potatoes! These apples, other fruits, the neighbor's cat -- wait. Okay, let's stick to foods.

Yes, one of these. Get one.

There is probably some chef out there who just sensed a disturbance in the force, because I'm about to tell you that there is probably no right way to use one of these. Plenty of wrong ways (again, against live animals), but mostly right ways. I mash downward, and then have a little twist at the bottom. Does it do anything extra? Hell, I don't know. But I look about 80% fancier doing it, so let's go with it. Mash and mash and mash and mash until you're tired are are happy with the consistency. And if you're not? Let's get out the big guns.

Big guns. Both the arm and the tool.

This is a stick blender (immersion blender). It's a blender. On a stick. We don't really need to explain it. But I love mine. I use it for applesauce, soups, milkshakes, whatever. It's a great little tool to have. My mom gave me mine (thanks, Mom!) for Christmas one year, and I love it. Newer models have two speeds, "eff stuff up" and "eff more stuff up". Either will suffice.

It's like stirring, if you weren't lazy. And had knifes for hands.

I usually blitz the whole thing until it's pretty smooth. This only takes a minute or two, and I make sure to pull the stick out every now and then to get a new spot. If you want more texture, don't blend it as long. Also worth mentioning is that this is as hot as the sun; watch your tongue. Add cinnamon as needed (I tend to like a lot), and taste every now and then. Do not jut your head into it. It's hot. Silly.

Smooth. And hot!

Once it's done, leave it to cool. This is a great side dish, as well as a pork topping, ice cream topping, etc. I love this stuff on vanilla ice cream when it's hot. The girlfriend uses it as a base for her sweet potatoes at Thanksgiving! It's a great versatile recipe that can also use any other berry for a different seasonal flavor and look. Hot damn!

There she is.

Again, this is a fantastic mix of sweet and tart. The cranberries add a depth and acidity that I think normal applesauce doesn't have. I can eat this stuff for days. If you know how to can, this makes a great gift, too. But I get selfish and eat all of mine. Put it on everything, and love it.

Enjoy! -AC

Cranberry Applesauce

Recipe from Scott McDonald (Average Cook)

Recipe makes roughly 1.5 quarts. That's enough to feed a lot of people, or satiate a semi-diabetic Johnny Appleseed for a few minutes.

• 4 lbs fresh apples (50/50 mix with granny smith and a juicier apple)
• 1 bag (12oz) of cranberries (preferably fresh)
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1 tablespoon cinnamon (or more, to taste)
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup water
• 2 tablespoons lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• A couple good glugs of your favorite brown liquor (bourbon, whiskey, amaretto)

Roughly chop apples, making sure to not include cores and seeds. Add apples and all other ingredients to a large pot (8+ quarts). Cook on medium for 30 minutes, until apples and cranberries are cooked through and soft. Turn off heat, mash with potato masher. For a better blended result, use a blender (stick or regular). If a chunkier applesauce is desired, it's recommended to remove skins from apples first. Serve hot or cold.